We do everything we shouldn’t to manage pain. It does not matter if the pain is physical or emotional, the nervous system treats it all the same.
Pain is inevitable but instead of showing us how to work with pain, we are instead shown a world of rainbows and unicorns – a Fairytale that does not match with the reality that we keep avoiding.
This is the pain that keeps screaming at the back of our minds, telling us that we are not good enough, we are not worthy, we are not perfect, we don’t belong, we are not in control, we are not safe, we don’t have the capacity and we are powerless.
If you were shown how to work with pain, then each time you hear the whisper of pain saying “you are not good enough”, you will hear a louder voice saying “I will make myself good enough”.
We cannot simply bury our pain and pretend that everything is ok. In the video above, I talk about 3 steps to release pain:
- Breathe. We hear this all the time, but we don’t get shown how to breath when we are deeply in pain. In the video above, I recommend the Vagal Breathing technique for pain management. This technique is designed specifically for times when our nervous system is under treat, pain or stress.
- Surrender. When we apply the vagal breathing technique, we feel safe. Even if for a moment. This brief feeling of safety give us the opportunity to surrender. You might think me mad to suggest surrender, however surrender is the only way forward. What you resist persists.
- Perception. It is hard to shift our perception when the body is giving us conflicting information. When you surrender, pain no longer has power over you. It is then that we gain the upper hand. Pain can no longer deceives us.
If we are in pain from a recurring trauma, you will find that when you surrender, the body may find it’s own way to release pain. Because, you use breath to feel safe, you will not interfere with the process of the body. You may then find that the body:
- May go into involuntary spasms. The convulsions are a natural process. It is no accident that we drop to our knees when we face despair. Similarly, the body shudders to release psychologically pain that is locked viscerally.
- You may scream. You need an outlet. There is no point holding in what is hurting you. When the scream is coming from a state of surrender, it does no harm. Sometimes we must loose all control to feel powerful, to feel like ourselves again.
- You may cry. Human’s have 3 types of tears. First, natural secretions to keep the eyes moist and help us blink. Second, reflexive tears to remove irritants such as dirt from the eyes. Third are emotional tears.
Emotional tears are also reflexive.
Why then do we say “don’t cry” when someone is hurt? It is essential to step out of the way for the body to run its course.
When Pain takes takes over, it can be the loudest voice in your head. Please remember that Pain does not define you. Listen to the voice of the heart. The heart may be broken. We cry to keep the heart open.
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